holding in farts

Wtf did I eat?!?!

Anyway, have you ever been in a shituation (lol) where you really need to fart but you know if you let it slip it will rip really loudly out of your ass and embarrass you? So you try to hold it in and you're squirming from the pain and discomfort of your unrelenting fart. Then all of a sudden it just gets sucked back into your body somewhere and you feel normal again. Fricken weird....


salmon feet

I just stepped in a plate of "salmon feast." Fricken awesome. My cats are weird. They lick all the gravy from their canned food and leave the meat chunks. Then I forget I fed it to them and step right in it with my bare feet. There's nothing quite like salmon chunks squishing between your toes.


ever dried off on toilet paper?

Well, don't. It breaks apart and sticks to you.


I suck at bowling

I'm about to go bowling with that dude I met. I hope I don't make a total ass of myself. Last time I went bowling with a guy I accidentally threw the ball behind me and hit my date in the nuts.

Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out.