ashley breaks stuff

i love freebies

2010-04-29T16:17:00.001-05:00

my new place came with this free lawn chair.

attack of the ceiling fan

2010-04-23T09:43:00.003-05:00

The other day I was hot so I decided to turn on the ceiling fan in the kitchen.

I went into the dining room to unpack and heard a really loud crash noise.

Apparently, one of the fan blades flew off and the ceiling fan was going crazy and wobbling around like it was trying to free itself!!

I had to run under this thing to get to the switch to turn it off, too! It was the scariest moment of my life. I even peed my pants a little.

Anywho....

I had the fan on the lowest setting. It wasn't a loose screw that caused it, either. The metal shaft (idk what to call it) was completely broken in half.

The weird thing is this is the second time something like this has happened to me. I'm just glad I wasn't in the line of fire when that fan blade flew off. I probably would have been decapitated. Or worse. :P

holding in farts

2009-02-21T03:41:00.000-06:00

Wtf did I eat?!?!

Anyway, have you ever been in a shituation (lol) where you really need to fart but you know if you let it slip it will rip really loudly out of your ass and embarrass you? So you try to hold it in and you're squirming from the pain and discomfort of your unrelenting fart. Then all of a sudden it just gets sucked back into your body somewhere and you feel normal again. Fricken weird....

salmon feet

2009-02-17T01:38:00.000-06:00

I just stepped in a plate of "salmon feast." Fricken awesome. My cats are weird. They lick all the gravy from their canned food and leave the meat chunks. Then I forget I fed it to them and step right in it with my bare feet. There's nothing quite like salmon chunks squishing between your toes.

ever dried off on toilet paper?

2009-02-03T00:17:00.000-06:00

Well, don't. It breaks apart and sticks to you.

I suck at bowling

2009-01-10T19:26:00.003-06:00

I'm about to go bowling with that dude I met. I hope I don't make a total ass of myself. Last time I went bowling with a guy I accidentally threw the ball behind me and hit my date in the nuts.

Needless to say, that relationship didn't work out.

I wish I had a nickel for every time I wanted to punch someone in the face

2009-01-08T16:54:00.002-06:00

and a penny for every time I did.

When cats attack....(WARNING: DISTURBING PHOTOS!!)

2009-01-05T19:21:00.014-06:00

A few weeks ago my cat got out and starting attacking another cat and trying to kill it. I didn't want him to kill the other cat, so I jumped in and grabbed him and pulled him off the other cat.

BAD IDEA!!!!

I ended up getting the shit bit out of me and clawed nearly to death. My cat has one broken fang, so I only got one deep puncture wound from the good fang on my inner arm. See the below picture. It wouldn't stop bleeding and it bruised really bad. My mom made me go to the ER.

These are the scratches (below pic). See how bad the bony part of my wrist bruised?

Okay....here's where things get pretty gross. The people at the ER didn't irrigate the wound and I ended up getting a staph infection!! They just wiped over the top of the puncture wound. And I also did not receive any antibiotics. They gave me a prescription, but this happened Saturday evening and the pharmacy here is closed on Sundays. So my bite just festered and swelled for about 36 hours with no medicine. I asked them to please give me a dose of antibiotics when I was at the ER and I told them I had a weak immune system. No one listened!! When I got home I tried to clean out the puncture myself, but the swelling was too bad at that point.

A few days later my arm had a lump the size of a golfball where the bite was. I had been soaking it in salt water trying to draw out the infection and I had started taking the antibiotics to no avail. It was getting worse and it hurt really bad!!

I decided to fork over $300.00 (this was the co-pay with my medical insurance) (ugh) and go to a minor emergency clinic in the town next to mine. They have a good reputation, but they're expensive.

They told me it was a staph infection. Then they had to cut my arm open! I got eight shots! It hurt! They numbed my arm, but I felt the pressure of the motion of the scalpel digging into my arm! It was so sick! Then they had to suction out the infection. It was bleeding everywhere.

After they had cleaned it, they stuffed it with gauze to keep the incision from closing (below). I was given three different antibiotics to take and they made me sick. :(

But things were about to get worse.

They told me to come back the next day, so I did. I was thinking the worst part was over and the rest of dealing with my bite would be a breeze. I was wrong.

The doctor started to examine my arm, then all of a sudden he grabbed the blood-encrusted end of the gauze and yanked with all of his might! It felt like fire from within the gates of hell was burning inside my arm! I let out a very loud, "FUCK!!!!!!!!" and made the doctor jump. That was kind of funny.
Anywho-
After the "pulling-burning-screaming" episode, I was lucky enough to get six more shots right where all the pain was coming from. Whoo-hoo!! They then proceeded to clean out the infection once more and send me on my merry way with instructions to come back the next day. Yippee. I couldn't wait.

This is what it looked like the next day:

It was like a little mouth in my arm. The swelling had gone down considerably. I got six more shots and it was cleaned out again.

The next day (yep, this continued for a while) I told them just to clean it out and skip the shots. The cleaning wasn't that bad. Just like smearing salt in your eyeball. Piece of cake. The shots hurt worst than the actual cleaning, though, so I was okay with not having them.

The daily visits continued for a week, then it was up to me to take care of my bite. I'm happy to say that I'm healed now and I forgave my kitty. He was fighting on instinct.

I'm still pissed about my initial ER visit that could have prevented this whole infection, though.

Healed incision over bite:

Healed scratches:

At least I got some pretty cool scars out of this whole mess.

how i feel about phones

2008-12-10T19:44:00.003-06:00

I FUCKING HATE PHONES!!!!!!!!!!!!

All they ever do is ring and it drives me crazy!!!! I am being soooooooo serious! I cannot take the sound of a phone ringing!!!! And I don't want to fucking talk!!!!!!!!!!

The damn phone wouldn't stop ringing today so I kicked it's ass. Take that, phone.

I was going to save this phone for shooting practice, but I couldn't wait that long. It had to go.

This is so much cheaper than therapy.

awesome birthday spent in bathroom

2008-11-29T22:29:00.000-06:00

Damn it. I have the worst luck. I have been so sick all day.

i made a super-awesome couch

2008-11-28T00:09:00.000-06:00

I decided today that one way or another I will have a couch in my living room in my apartment. I'm sick of sitting on the floor. It makes my butt hurt.

Anyway, in a moment of genius a brilliant thought struck me: I could make my own couch! I took an old lounger lawn chair and attached two large dog pillows to it (they were clean). Now I can relax and play my NES in style!

Thank you, brain!!